Java Monster Ranked Worst to Best

Over the past month I have been reviewing a noticeably high amount of Monster Energy products, from the Monster Rehab line, to the Juice Monster line, then to the Java Monster line. The Java Monster series is what really resonates with me the most as a person when compared to Rehab or Juice Monster, I enjoy the coffee flavor that Monster brings to the table with their Java series and the drinks are more memorable then some other Monster products I have reviewed. So, after I reviewed each individual available drink from the Java Monster series, I got the idea to rank the drinks from worst to best.

Ranking Java Monster worst to best was not really an easy task. I had to drink a few drinks from the line that ranked high more than one time to really make my decision. The reason why this is not an easy task is because I find Java Monster products to be very flavorful, milky, and just overall very high quality non carbonated drinks. Now currently Monster Energy has six different Java Monster products out on market, Mean Bean, Loca Moca, Kona Blend, Vanilla Light, Salted Caramel, and Irish Blend. There were more drinks at one point, notably the Russian one, Nut Up, and Lo-Ball, but they have since been discontinued. — So, here’s the list.

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6. Vanilla Light (5.3/10) 

Vanilla Light was very questionable in it’s taste right off the bat. There is no question that it would appear at number six in my list, I really dislike this drink here and it turned my hype for a vanilla flavored coffee into a can of watered down sour milk that tasted of dissatisfaction and poor development choices on Monster’s part. Vanilla Light was primarily advertised as being “50% fewer calories and 50% of the fat” I believe. While it did deliver on that promise it also completely compromised the flavor of this drink, making the coffee indecipherable within this coffee based drink.

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sorry about the horizontal shot

5. Irish Blend (6.7/10)

This drink was better than Vanilla Light, Irish Blend had a noticeable coffee taste, and a very bold cream heavy, white chocolate vanilla flavor that carried the entire drink, however, that is also exactly what is wrong with this drink. The white chocolate vanilla flavor in this drink is very one dimensional and a bit too vibrant and heavy. While Vanilla Light was drinkable to the last drop, I had some issue finishing off the remaining fluid ounce of Java Monster Irish Blend during my review. This drink is like eating a melted piece of white chocolate on a hot day basically, you’re gonna feel sick.

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4. Kona Blend (9.2/10)

Well, that is about where the negativity in this list ends. Starting with this drink, the Kona Blend, all of the remaining drinks are very good and very impressive. I will say I may have rated this drink a little bit too highly in hindsight, a 9.2 is a pretty good score, but I think this should have maybe been around an 8.7 or an 8.9 looking back on it. Here is why, Kona Blend was created to imitate the popular Hawaiian coffee blend of the same name, which is supposed to be this top notch gourmet coffee or something. Monster’s adaptation of this tastes like a chocolate milk coffee, somewhat of a combination of the Java Monster Loca Moca flavor and the Java Monster Mean Bean flavor. This is just a really decent energy drink coffee, nothing too overblown or special going on here.

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3. Loca Moca (9.8/10)

I am not really a mocha kind a guy, I am more of a vanilla or caramel type person whenever I order at Starbucks or get any sort of iced coffee at the store. This was actually the first Java Monster drink I bought and reviewed, and at the time I thought I had bought Mean Bean but realized my mistake after I left the store (The can colors looked similar under the white light!). I took the ball and ran with it and I am glad I did so. The drink was very impressive, very delicious, and is the whole reason I am writing this list out at this moment. This is probably the only mocha drink I go out of my way to get if it’s available. It scored very high at 9.8/10 and I think that is rightfully earned.

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2. Mean Bean (9.9/10)

This is the original Java Monster, and the last drink of the Java Monster series I got around to trying. While my review for Irish Blend came out after my review for Mean Bean, my Irish Blend review had been on queue for about a week in a half, (most of my reviews are written several days in the past, including this one!) so technically, Mean Bean was my last review. I would say I saved the best for last if I wasn’t such a huge caramel fan though. I thought Java Monster Mean Bean was phenomenal, one of the best drinks Monster Energy has put out, and one of the best drinks I have had the honor of reviewing on my site. The flavor is somewhat of a blend of mocha and vanilla merged with the classic coffee bean flavor, amazing. Also the reason why it is a 9.9 instead of a 10 is because I enjoy Salted Caramel just a little bit more, here is why-

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1. Salted Caramel (10/10)

This is the best drink out of the Java Monster line in my opinion. This may be due to me being such a huge caramel coffee fan, but it is also due to the flawless execution of Monster’s balance between salt and sugar in this drink, combined with the milky and creamy texture. I highlight this a bit in my original review, but when I first consumed this drink I got a minor feeling of literal euphoria, my brain instantly screamed “10/10”. The three times I have had this drink including my first one about two to three weeks back, I have gulped the entire can down in less than a minute. If you are a caramel iced coffee lover like I am then you are doing yourself a disservice by not trying this drink out. This gives that bottled caramel Starbucks frappuccino thing a run for it’s money all across the board, AND this drink wont leave that cream film on the roof of your mouth that comes after consuming a real Starbucks frappuccino. Give it a shot, it’s number one.

The Reviews In Order:

Drink Review: Java Monster Vanilla Light

Drink Review: Java Monster Irish Blend

Drink Review: Java Monster Kona Blend

Drink Review: Java Monster Loca Moca

Drink Review: Java Monster Mean Bean

Drink Review: Java Monster Salted Caramel

i. e. coffeejava/10

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